IT’S tough being a Port supporter when your club isn’t in the finals. We’re used to finals and success, and are brought up believing our club is No. 1.
Port Adelaide isn’t playing in this year’s finals series, so we thought we’d help you through it with our September Survival Guide...
(P.S. We've got a poll for you at the bottom of the article)
September Survival Guide, Part 1
Q: Dear portadelaidefc.com.au, Who should I support this September?
A: No one.
It is your birthright to support Port Adelaide and no one else. The truest of Port Adelaide barrackers don’t have a second team. When they ask you, “Who do you want to see win the grand final,” your answer should be pretty straight forward:
You don’t want anyone to win.
Or.
You want every club in the top eight, through a series of bizarre, unexpected and arbitrary circumstances, to be disqualified from the 2015 competition and for Gil McLachlan to rock up at Ken Hinkley’s house with the premiership cup.
A win by default...
Accepting this is an unlikely and, ultimately, unwanted scenario for Port Adelaide to find itself in, we’ve done something a little bit different.
The first part of our September Survival Guide, because you’re a Port supporter, is a who’s who of just which team you shouldn’t barrack for. Here goes...
Freo
The minor premiers, Ross Lyon’s mob, play that high-pressure defensive game. They haven’t won anything since joining the AFL. They try oh so hard to be like Port Adelaide. But they’re not. While we’re a club that’s been beating strong in our Port district since 1870, they’re a loosely representative club for those Freo teams of the old WAFL.
And they wear purple.
Admit it, there’s a part of you that wants to see Freo get the old heave ‘ho.
West Coast
Given you’d put the Crows right up there in your list of most disliked clubs, you should probably rate West Coast the same. The upstart franchise club of the VFL’s raid on the traditional footy states, the Eagles are the original ‘Pride of [insert non Victorian state here]’ - designed to represent a state, but ultimately not built from the fibre of a traditional club.
That, and their god awful song, are reason enough to barrack against the Eags… it’s not the 1980s anymore guys.
Hawthorn
Plenty of reasons to not support the Hawks, not least them being on the cusp of an AFL three-peat (just another record for Ports to chase down). Throw in last year’s loss in the prelim, and the aggro they bring to every contest with us, there’s plenty who wear the black, white and teal who’d love to see the Hawks fall over.
Sydney
Well they’ve been a stumbling block for the Power this year, but the reasons to go against the Bloods are the same as they are for most.
Port Adelaide is a traditional, hard-working, ‘blue collar’ footy club.
The Swans are the blue chip glamour boys of big town Australia. There’s a reason footy culture has tagged them the ‘Bondi Billionaires’ – they’re nothing like Port at all.
Richmond
Richmond. That team that always finishes ninth, finished fifth. Well we’d happily trade spots with them if it meant they felt more comfortable in their traditional position.
The Tiggers are a team we’ve had a bit of rivalry with over the last couple of years, we beat them in last year’s elim final but they’ve had the wood over us since 2012. There wouldn’t be many sympathetic hearts pumping Port colours.
Western Bulldogs
Don’t be fooled by the fairy tale, the Doggies don’t deserve your support.
Their smartarse banners all year, their drubbing of us at Etihad.
That blue collar, against-the-odds style, that local working man’s club feel about them down at Whitten Oval.
The Bullies might feel like the club you should be supporting, because you think they’re the closest thing to Port.
But they’re not Port, and you should definitely not support them for that reason.
Adelaide Crows
Enough said.
North Melbourne
You kinda get North. The Shinboner ‘Never Say Die’ spirit, and all that. But gee, they beat us in our first ever AFL finals appearance and we’ve got a shocking record against them.
Nah, we really aren’t fans of the Kangas...
So there you have it, some succinct and not-so-succinct reasons you shouldn’t follow anyone this September.
While Port Adelaide’s SANFL hopes are still alive, you’ll be able follow the Magpies to (hopefully) a grand final berth.
But with the hype that surrounds the AFL finals, it will be hard going for the next four weeks, so make sure you stay tuned for your next September Survival Guide.
