ZANE KIRKWOOD has 223 SANFL games to his name. He has two Magarey Medals as the competition’s fairest and most brilliant player. He has four best and fairest awards and two premiership medals among countless other accolades. And he also lives with mental illness.

While the anxiety and depression which has plagued him since primary school remained hidden for so long, Kirkwood now wants the world to know.

This week he returned to Alberton – where he made his name in 85 SANFL games for Port Adelaide between 2008 and 2014 – to share his story with the playing group ahead of the club’s Round 6 clash with Woodville-West Torrens, which is part of the Breakthrough Mental Health Research Foundation’s Community Round.

“I’ve had anxiety and bouts of depression since I was in primary school,” Kirkwood explained. “That was diagnosed but it was something I kept hidden. The only people that knew were my family.

“I guess footy was an outlet, and being involved in a club environment was something that helped.

“But it came to a head in 2019 when I spoke to the playing group when I was at Sturt, and I told them what was going on for me my whole life.

“I wanted to share it in case someone was going through something similar and might need someone to help or to reach out to.”

So bad was his mental illness, Kirkwood would lock himself away in his room and stay in bed for weeks.

He avoided going out and seeing people, and at times had panic attacks in games or at other times in his life away from football that would cause him to get lost in public areas, requiring assistance from friends, family and colleagues.

He even stepped away from football at times and missed trainings when things got worse.

In hindsight, Kirkwood now says he wishes he was more open and sought support sooner.

“I grew up loving footy, playing in the back yard but I started to avoid it, didn’t want to leave the house or go to school and wasn’t eating right,” he said.

“I have always been a pretty nervy and anxious person but we went to the doctor to find out what was going on. I was eleven then.

“As I got older, I had similar symptoms but I was able to hide it from people better.

“I wish I’d said something earlier and acknowledged I had something to work on. I thought I was doing the right thing by locking myself away and sleeping it off for weeks.

“Avoidance was my saviour. I didn’t go out to public places and avoided people but footy really helped me.”

And he is hoping footy can help others too.

This weekend, Port Adelaide will join other clubs in raising funds for Breakthrough by fundraising online and selling beanies for $20 at the food and drink outlets at Alberton Oval.

Players and umpires will also wear purple and blue arm bands to help raise awareness about the need for vital mental health research and for people to address their own mental health concerns.

“It’s exciting that we are able to have these conversations in every day life and people feel safe doing it,” Kirkwood said when asked how he felt about the SANFL getting behind the initiative.

“There are obviously people who still don’t feel comfortable, and that’s the reason behind this round, to make it more common and make people realise it’s like any other illness or injury.

“It’s really important to have a round where mental health is talked about and people can be open about it.

“I’ve had supporters of Sturt and other clubs, and even other players come to me. It’s humbling to have that but hopefully there’ll be other people who can help too.”

Kirkwood now has coping mechanisms and support around him to help him when things get rough.

He hopes by starting and continuing the conversation, others will have those opportunities as well.

“It’s something I’ll have my whole life,” the former Sturt premiership captain said of his anxiety and depression. “I don’t struggle with it as much because I’ve put things in to manage the symptoms and manage it better.

“I tell people that there’s no magic fix but it’s something you can keep working on to help you feel better.”

To get behind Port Adelaide’s fundraising efforts, you can go to the club’s fundraising page or buy a beanie at Alberton Oval at Saturday’s game against the Eagles.

The game gets underway at 2:10pm.