In celebration Charlie Dixon’s glorious beard joining the club, we bring you some of Port Adelaide’s finest facial hair from the past and present.
Fear the Beard rating:
1 - You’ve just passed puberty, don’t bother buying a razor just yet
2 - Modest stubble, but you’re not fooling anyone
3 - Solid coverage, requires regular attention
4 - Good volume - you’re going to a barber for a trim
5 - Beard perfection- you’re the envy of all beard growers and scare small children
Justin Westhoff
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Westy has the beard of an ancient king – it commands your respect with a presence of its own.
Its’ length, volume and coarseness teamed with a furrowed brow gives Westhoff instant wisdom and power beyond his years – much like Jesus.
Without a doubt the most fierce beard currently walking the corridors of Alberton.
Fear the Beard rating: 5
Tim Evans
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Our shaggy forward line need look no further than club legend Tim Evans for inspiration. Not only did he kick 1044 goals over his 12 years, sitting second in the all-time goal kicking for the SANFL – Evans also unashamedly rocked one of the most badass ginger Viking beards the AFL has ever seen.
It’s glistening, it’s volumous…it’s beautiful.
Fear the Beard rating: 4
Jackson Trengove
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One of the few blonde beards to feature on the Port Adelaide playing list, Jacko’s thick, bristly growth is strong and sturdy, like the head of a toothbrush. Neatly trimmed, well-oiled with exceptionally even coverage - it’s clear Jacko takes pride in his chin curtain. And we like that he’s not afraid to mix it up from time to time.
Fear the Beard rating: 3.5
Bruce Light
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Bruce Light has the rare ability to rock the facial hair trifecta. That truck-driver moustache forms seamlessly into a Grizzly Adams beard with just the right amount of ruggedness. Teamed with a glorious, head of effortless curls – Light has got it all right in the hair department. In fact, his beard is so impressive that he even appears to be describing its perfection in this very photo.
Fear the Beard rating: 4
John Butcher
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Cult favourite Johnny Butcher’s beard is an unusual, majestic creature. It’s tangled, wiry and unkempt…it’s a hot mess, but for some reason it works.
It’s wild, yet safe. Unsettling, yet strangely comforting. Harsh, yet looks soft as a pillow…
Fear the Beard rating: 3
Paul Northeast
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You weren’t a true 90s footballer without a sputtering of hairs upon your flavour saver, and one of Port Adelaide’s most decorated players of all time was no exception. Paul Northeast is keeping it pretty simple with the centred soul patch, but receives extra points for the party at the back – that mini-mullet is something of a masterpiece.
Fear the Beard rating: 3
Travis Boak
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Sometimes flying under the radar with hiseffortless stubble, our skipper also rates in Port Adelaide’s finest facial hair. It might not be the bushiest, the toughest, or the longest coverage on the team – but it’s the finest darn five-o’clock shadow we’ve ever seen. He’s not trying too hard and frankly, we like it.
Fear the Beard rating: 2
Carl Fragomeni
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Fragomeni’s fleece was often influenced by the 90s moustache and goatee combination, not dissimilar to that of teammate Paul Northeast. But, it’s the fan-favourite’s nose neighbour that really sets him apart from the rest –it’s absolutely fearless. It’s so manly and audacious that we’re certain it single-handedly gave him the power to perform his signature run off the half-back.
Fear the Beard rating: 3.5
Aaron Young
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Maybe it’s the angelic lighting, maybe it’s the beard - but Youngy looks like some kind of whiskered god in this picture.
When he looks straight down the barrel of a camera armed with that beast of a crumb catcher, you can’t look at it for too long – it arms him with the ability to see deep into your soul.
His beard is hypnotic, and you can’t help but love it.
Fear the Beard rating: 4
Keith Spencer
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This unbelievable effort from Keith Spencer deserves an honourable mention - those perfectly manicured, cheekbone-enhancing sideburns were surely the envy of all back in his footy heyday in the 60s. Not one to be conventional, Spencer sculpted those piercingly sharp sidelocks against a clean-shaven mug, breaking all the rules. Extra points for rebellion.
Fear the Beard rating: 1
