IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		Big Tex has committed to shaving off the mullet ...
 		… it's only natural that his great mate Big Ivan does the same.
Brisbane Lions
 		Brent Moloney was having any doubts about his move north this season …… oh hang on, he's never had any doubts.
Carlton
 		Chris Yarran sooks it up again now that he's back in the team …… then he won't be a Blue in 2014.
 
Collingwood
 		the Pies can beat Port this weekend ...… by the end of round 18 they will almost certainly be locked in as 2013 finalists. Nice luxury to have.
 
Essendon
 		Essendon fans keep taking the moral high ground view over Jobe Watson being booed at Subiaco …… they seriously need to get off that high horse. Brent Stanton has never forgotten being booed by his own
supporters. Pathetic.
 
Fremantle
 		he's not respected enough already …… Ross Lyon will clinch universal acclaim should he lead a Dockers team without Pav, Barlow, Mundy and Sandi to a Simonds Stadium win
 
Geelong
 		people actually took a deep breath and analysed things properly …… there wouldn't have been the "Cats aren't that good" hysteria after the Lions loss. They've lost two games, this mob, by a total of 11 points.
 
Gold Coast
 		the Suns haven't already offered Campbell Brown another contract for next season …… they should. Without comparison as the biggest "comeback" of the season.
GWS

 		Izzy Folau was still at the Giants ...
 		... oh hang on, he was never going to still be at the Giants. And he's still counting his AFL millions.
 
Hawthorn
 		Jarryd Roughead isn't the best forward in the competition at the moment …… well, he just is.
Melbourne
 		it took this long for Peter Jackson to make changes to the football department …… you have to ask, even more than we already have, what the hell Cameron Schwab was doing.
 
North Melbournethe Roos recruiters don't go and get at least one real nasty, hissing-and-spitting type of player for 2014 (a Ryan
Crowley-type, for example) …		… this club will continue to be walked over by all opposition. Where was the support for their 35-year-old champion
last week?
Port Adelaide
 		Power fans aren't already moved by the Kochy and Ken revival …… you can bet they will be once they move to Adelaide Oval.
Richmond
 		anyone outside of Richmond thought Bachar Houli was this good …
 		… we reckon you're lying. Emerging
in 2013 as a real star.
 
St Kilda
 		Sam Fisher's foot injury isn¹t yet another wake-up call for the Saints to sign a key defender in the off season ...… nothing will be.
 
Sydney Swans
 		Kurt Tippett isn't one of the most over-priced recruits in history …… it's up there with Warwick Capper at the Bears.
West Coast
 		someone knows what's happened to Mark Le Cras' once-unparalleled reliability in front of goal …… can you please tell him? Still performing OK but not at his best in 2013.
Western BulldogsRyan Griffen played for Collingwood or Carlton or Richmond …… he'd be a rockstar.